Chapter One – The school run
Child 1 is supposed to be getting her shoes and coat on ready for school. I bring Child 2 downstairs to find her sobbing in the corner. Concerned, I ask what is wrong, but she can’t get the words out. Eventually, she tells me there’s a spider. Not being a huge fan of spiders myself, I have terrifying visions of a giant hairy spider peeping out of one of her shoes, but instead she points over to the door. I can’t see anything, so go over to investigate. And there it is. The tiniest spider I have ever seen in my life, on the door.
On the outside of the door.
Already late, I then continue the struggle to get Child 2 in his buggy (much easier than the struggle to get his shoes on would have been) then fight with a pile of Daddy’s shoes in order to get the buggy and children out of the door.
On our return home I discover Child 2 has eaten half the fleece lining out of his coat and have to remove a large ball of fluff from his mouth. This takes a lot of effort and results in small but sharp teeth clamping down on my finger and actually drawing blood.
Chapter Two – The household chores
I put the washing on and a little while later hear a rattling sound coming from the machine. After draining it, I discover somebody has been using the washing machine as a shape sorter and let’s face it, most toys would fit through a hole that big. Luckily, this time it is only a beaker and a ball. Note to self: Always check machine is empty before putting washing in.
At nap time, we wonder off upstairs, stopping on every other step to wave bye-bye to Pooh Bear. Child 2 usually sleeps for at least an hour, but today he sleeps (or at least goes quiet) for 20 minutes. 20 minutes?! Then he is sick. Blueberry sick. Everywhere. Still, blueberry sick has got to be better than the butternut squash and carrot sick it would have been if he had actually eaten his lunch.
Lunch? Did I miss that part of the day? I can’t even remember!
So, bringing him back downstairs, I step on a pine needle. A pine needle! We’re nearing the end of January, I hoover everyday, yet I step on a pine needle?! We’re having an artificial tree next Christmas… bah humbug.
Chapter Three – Afternoon snack time
Child 2 is an incredibly grumpy boy by this time. I head into the kitchen to find him a snack. He follows, tugging at my trousers, before falling nose down on the hard kitchen floor and screams so hard no sound comes out. I give him a cuddle and offer him a biscuit, he shakes his head. I offer him a drink, he pushes it away and thumps me in the nose. We go to stroke the cats, he’s not interested.
Eventually I give in to the temptations of the big shiny box in the corner and we reach for the remote. Before I have time to change the channel we find ourselves transported to a world of brightly coloured fields, rainbows and hamsters from outer space. This is the icing on the cake. “Yacki yacki yoggi, Doo doo dee, Bah bah bah, Beep beep, Noo See” is now in my head for the remainder of the afternoon, thanks CBeebies and Baby Jake! At least Child 2 is now smiling.
Chaper Four – The school run
Somehow already late, I continue the struggle to get Child 2 in his buggy (much easier than the struggle to get his shoes on would have been) then fight with a pile of Daddy’s shoes in order to get the buggy out of the door.
To be continued…